Great news for drivers! In a prelude to a future when the entire Loop will be paved over in order to facilitate through traffic — after all, the Loop is only a place to drive through, not a place for people to do silly, inconsequential things like work or play or shop — the city’s boneheaded crossing guards will now write tickets for pedestrians, but not drivers! Because by golly, traffic congestion isn’t caused by too many cars, it’s caused by too many pedestrians!

Chicago may follow a trail blazed by Salt Lake City, St. Louis and Houston in an effort to even a playing field now tipped too heavily in favor of pedestrians, according to Andrew Velasquez, executive director of the city’s Office of Emergency Management and Communications… All it takes is one pedestrian to cross against the ‘Do Not Cross’ light to defeat the whole purpose. Vehicles can’t turn, even when they have the right-turn light.’

Vehicles can’t turn??? What a travesty! The Trib makes this clearer: “Bond denied that, saying the aims are to reduce vehicle congestion and improve traffic flow.” Quite obviously, vehicle congestion and poor traffic flow have nothing to do with the vastly increased numbers of cars. No, it’s because of the pedestrians.

The bad news: not even $12.8 million spent on overpasses at Flamingo & Las Vegas Blvd. can keep those pesky pedestrians out of the way. Oh wait: this car jumped the curb and plowed into a crowd. Well, it was STILL the pedestrians’ fault, I’m sure.