Gushy eulogy

_Harper’s_ this month has this excerpt from a Cambridge alumni bulletin:

bq. Simon made the most of the sexual opportunities Cambridge had to offer, and although his preference was for boys and young men, to his dismay he learned that Susan Kilner, a fellow undergraduate, was expecting his child. He agreed to marry her to placate her family, on the understanding that he qould never have to live with her. Susan accepted this; she was, in his word, “a brick.”